I really wasn't going to write this post because sometimes vulnerability is embarrassing. Other times the things that I need to get off my chest are really raw and honest. Maybe even too honest for this little blog of mine. But if you know me in real life then you know that I always say what's on my mind and you'll NEVER have to question where I stand when it comes to my feelings. I'm a Gemini so I have a lot of them haha.
So I'm taking a chance by opening up like this and if one girl relates to or finds inspiration from these words, then its worth it. So watch me work this polka dot skirt and then scroll down and lets have some girl talk. shall we?
So I want to kick things off with a question.
Do you ever feel like you're not good enough?
I know its a cliche thing to ask but its something that I legitimately want to put on the table because between me and you, I think and feel that way a lot. Consciously or subconsciously in both big and small ways. Depending on the cause though the feeling typically comes and goes rather quickly. Most of the time I roll thoughts back and forth in my head before concluding that I'm being dramatic. The only time its hard for me to surrender that is when it comes to boys.
Recently I've found myself mid crush and consumed with capturing the attention of a certain gentleman. Knowing the kind of woman I am, I figured that it was only natural that we mutually express interest in each other. You know, flirting, hanging out, blah blah blah. But its hard to find that balance when the person you're dealing with is so hot and cold. I'm talking Titanic iceberg and Sahara Dessert hot and cold. I was always confused but at the same time I wasn't asking for anything so could I really be mad, no. But it sucked haha so I tried everything I could to get some kind of temperature on the situation.
The deeper in I got, the moreI realized that I was fighting for attention and effort that I thought I was more than deserving of, and it was making me insanely insecure.
Why am I not good enough? Is it because I've gained 20lbs? Is it because I'm not interesting anymore? Well sometimes I am so it can't be that so it has to be something else.....
Just ridicules internal conversations that I would consistently have with myself before finally hitting that "he's just not that into you" moment of reality over the weekend. Because that's what it all boils down to. Effort is sexy and if he's not putting in any then what's the point. I just know for me personally I'm a fixer and I want everything to make sense. And I'm 100% for getting your closure because I got mine, just don't use those conversations as justifications for why you should "keep trying". Been there, done that, got the t shirt honey and its gonna end in crap anyways and you'll just keep getting your feelings involved for the same result.
I just know for me its just so hard to watch the people in your day to day life find love and you go home at the end of the day to no one. It sucks. And maybe I should say that you shouldn't worry about that and that you should enjoy being single and that having a relationship isn't all its cracked up to be, but that's annoying AF to hear haha. I know because the only people who say that to me are the people in relationships so I always internally do a huge eye roll. Like okay you're telling me to enjoy being single and then you get to go home to your man. BYEE! haha
So trust me when I say I get all of that. And its not to say that I don't enjoy being single, its just that everyone wants to be in love or have someone appreciate them even if its on a tiny level. It's human nature, we're not suppose to be alone. But I think I finally broke through to my reality and its becoming easier for me to accept the season I'm in right now. I have a place to live, a job that I love, friends and sisters that are sent from Jesus himself to hold me down and I've got dreams and goals to smash. I'm good. I'm becoming the woman I think God wants me to be. I am enough.
And so are you.
Do you ever feel like you're not good enough?
I know its a cliche thing to ask but its something that I legitimately want to put on the table because between me and you, I think and feel that way a lot. Consciously or subconsciously in both big and small ways. Depending on the cause though the feeling typically comes and goes rather quickly. Most of the time I roll thoughts back and forth in my head before concluding that I'm being dramatic. The only time its hard for me to surrender that is when it comes to boys.
Recently I've found myself mid crush and consumed with capturing the attention of a certain gentleman. Knowing the kind of woman I am, I figured that it was only natural that we mutually express interest in each other. You know, flirting, hanging out, blah blah blah. But its hard to find that balance when the person you're dealing with is so hot and cold. I'm talking Titanic iceberg and Sahara Dessert hot and cold. I was always confused but at the same time I wasn't asking for anything so could I really be mad, no. But it sucked haha so I tried everything I could to get some kind of temperature on the situation.
The deeper in I got, the moreI realized that I was fighting for attention and effort that I thought I was more than deserving of, and it was making me insanely insecure.
Why am I not good enough? Is it because I've gained 20lbs? Is it because I'm not interesting anymore? Well sometimes I am so it can't be that so it has to be something else.....
Just ridicules internal conversations that I would consistently have with myself before finally hitting that "he's just not that into you" moment of reality over the weekend. Because that's what it all boils down to. Effort is sexy and if he's not putting in any then what's the point. I just know for me personally I'm a fixer and I want everything to make sense. And I'm 100% for getting your closure because I got mine, just don't use those conversations as justifications for why you should "keep trying". Been there, done that, got the t shirt honey and its gonna end in crap anyways and you'll just keep getting your feelings involved for the same result.
I just know for me its just so hard to watch the people in your day to day life find love and you go home at the end of the day to no one. It sucks. And maybe I should say that you shouldn't worry about that and that you should enjoy being single and that having a relationship isn't all its cracked up to be, but that's annoying AF to hear haha. I know because the only people who say that to me are the people in relationships so I always internally do a huge eye roll. Like okay you're telling me to enjoy being single and then you get to go home to your man. BYEE! haha
So trust me when I say I get all of that. And its not to say that I don't enjoy being single, its just that everyone wants to be in love or have someone appreciate them even if its on a tiny level. It's human nature, we're not suppose to be alone. But I think I finally broke through to my reality and its becoming easier for me to accept the season I'm in right now. I have a place to live, a job that I love, friends and sisters that are sent from Jesus himself to hold me down and I've got dreams and goals to smash. I'm good. I'm becoming the woman I think God wants me to be. I am enough.
And so are you.
So basically I'm here to tell you that I am not going to spend 2017 or any year of my life fighting for attention. Not gonna do it. Because I am a QUEEN honey and so are you! Never let a man make you feel like you aren't good enough when the truth is you are MORE THAN ENOUGH. And maybe that's the problem. I know sometimes I give too much attention to people who aren't capable of being what I need. So keep doing you and let God handle the rest. He's going to anyways haha so you might as well surrender to his plan.
I know for me landing my new job that God always has my back and that he is more than able to provide what I need when I need it. And he's gonna do the same for you.
Anyways sorry for the super long post today. I just really wanted to share this with ya'll and start a dialogue about stuff like this. Either through your comments here or you can hit me up on my Instagram @mygorgchaos. That's honestly really the only way I know if ya'll actually like what I have to say, so I can't wait to hear from you. Hopefully this was relatable.
Happy hump day beauties.
I know for me landing my new job that God always has my back and that he is more than able to provide what I need when I need it. And he's gonna do the same for you.
Anyways sorry for the super long post today. I just really wanted to share this with ya'll and start a dialogue about stuff like this. Either through your comments here or you can hit me up on my Instagram @mygorgchaos. That's honestly really the only way I know if ya'll actually like what I have to say, so I can't wait to hear from you. Hopefully this was relatable.
Happy hump day beauties.